That is what So You Think You Can Dance has taught me, and it’s not a sad truth, devastating songs just make the most beautiful stories through dance. Also…I’ve been watching a lot of old auditions on youtube hahaha
"What are you doing?" "Nothing… I’m just sitting at home… but like, because I want to."
You’ll never all live in the same place again. For the rest of your life, you’ll have to travel further than across the hall to see the people you call family. You’ll have get togethers, and brunches, and weekend getaways, but you can never go back “home.” And that leaves you feeling…kind of homeless.
You know it will get better. You know you’ll eventually be happy in your new life. You’ll have close friendships and relationships. You’ll get that dream job. And you’ll fall in love. And even though it seems impossible, you know you’ll find a new home some day.
But that doesn’t make it better. That almost makes it worse. It scares you. It scares you, because you’ll miss your life so much it hurts. But mostly, it scares you that someday you might not miss it any more at all.
There’s nothing anyone can say to make that feeling go away. And it’s okay to be sad. It feels truly unfair –cruel, even– that you were given the most amazing experience of your life, just to have it taken all away. I know it’s hard. I know it hurts, but remember this: you are one of the lucky ones. You were lucky enough to have something in your life that was wonderful enough to make it this difficult to leave it behind."
So, this is my third time in this building and my second time as a RA here and for the past two months, I’ve been putting on this front about how I felt nothing and it didn’t affect me that it was all about to be over. But really, every time I said it didn’t matter or that I was fine or there was nothing significant about being here, I was really just protecting myself from getting to attached so I could avoid the emotions that come with it when it’s time to say goodbye. Because honestly, this place means a lot to me. It’s been a roller coster and I have changed and grown so much in this building. What makes it harder to say goodbye is that I’m extremely scared actually. I don’t like change and actually afraid because next year is my last year and I have no idea how it’s going to go. I’m not good with the unknown and I’m horrible at transitions so it’s terrifying for me to think about. Me leaving this building means I’m going to have the face the last chapter in this journey that’s gone from absolutley terrible four years ago to absolutely amazing. And not only will I have to say goodbye to this building, I’ll have to say goodbye to this college life that I’ve grown to love and mature with.
I sat here and cried with my friend who was a part of my journey here and he brought up something that made me feel better. He said that a lot of people look really happy in their graduation pictures, ready to face the rest of their lives but we’re sad and don’t want to leave. That’s because we had a great experience and built strong memories and that means that it was an experience worth having. When something is hard to let go of or is something to cry over, it means that the experience was great. I can’t live in the past either but crying is okay. And I’m glad I got all these feelings out finally and stopped being numb to it all.
So, I’m scared and terrified that I’m about to face the last chapter of my college/undergrad experience. But, I’m so glad that it’s something worth being sad about because I had a great experience.
One more year to go…